A goodbye and Relief

Just got back last night from a funeral in Beleville, Il. (funerals)I don't know they just seem different to me anymore my grandmother had passed on Tues, 18th and buried on the 21st. It was quick and seem somewhat painless. She had it planned down to the tee and her son to make sure that is was that way. The family from my mothers side came out of the woodwork an started coming up with cousins I never seen and heard of. She excitingly showing all the 5 boys off and going over what they do or did. Like myself running my 50 mile ultra thats all I heard. It was to be kept low thats why I did it in the middle of nowhere. Thats why when they asked are you crazy I'd say in the straightest face yes but don't tell anyone they don't know it yet. It seemed like the one last time that everyone there the whole side of this family would get together. Which I believe is to true. She was the only one that could do that. The old German heritage and and nothing going to waste. To put up with us 5 boys and a couple staying there for a time when grampa was there was still something. She would not have been happy with the present election like when I dated a Japanese/black girl when living staying there for a time. We'll remember that we always had to clean our plate, watch her soaps that she watched for countless years, to keep things straight and countless nights of popcorn and soda. Always willing to help but never straying from that small little town that really is not so small anymore.
Well you had a good life and were happy or atleast didn't complain you will be missed.

Strength

Yes this post is about it. Your reading this do you have it I’m beginning to doubt it here for me. This is not the physical it is the mental the self doubt. The one year I thought would be a good year and good Christmas is gone again. But then would it have been worse with the other job. I think probably so. Someone else does not quite see it that way though. Paying it back for the ultra seems to be that I never improved myself at home and am starting at the beginning from scratch. Work is not going well the f-t job is at a 3 day work week and one of the 2 p-t jobs the better one laid me off. At least I had it for a while that I’m not smart enough to be able to quit a job correctly that I at least had it for awhile. Now it’s 30 to 35 hrs at retail is all I have left for the 2nd job. That presents the problem in getting a fun run in, but still getting in 25 to 30 per wk. Thank God for the Ultra I did get to do that lifted a great weight from 20 years ago and gave me the confidence and knowing that I have the determination to be able to work though a tough spot with a little redemption also in the mix. Then againit still keeps coming.

A run with no discussion

It was a good nite for a run just the right temp and windy as it can be for Kansas. Got the hour and a half and a easy 10 miler in at 1:29:00 just right a 6 like I was suppose to be to cook a few dogs on the grill.

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It's been a long time since a run with the daughter

It was a slow Sunday and didn't get around to quickly. My wife wanted the fall and Halloween stuff put up and Christmas brought down. I had plans for a 15 miler. Two things that are just was to conflicting. Well my Daughter and I raked and blew leaves out of the flower bed and yard, blew out the garage and started putting up and bringing down Halloween and X-mas boxes. I heard my daughter say and couldn't believe she wanted to get it done so she could run on the tredmill and she had let mom know she wanted to do it. She also asked me about my next race about a 20m / 40m / and100k she wanted to know about the 20. I thought she would most likly be able to finish a 20 and she's now thinking about it. Well I told mom I was going to get in 15 but would go for 10 to 13 If she could get her to run with me. Mom then convinced her to run and I was to be not a a-- and bug her to run alot but she wanted to go 4m and did it in 39 minutes. She actually took in tips and didn't complain except she was just mad her left foot was bruized from a volleyball game.

Well I got my 13 miles in and right at 2:00:00 could not have timed it any better. I am letting it simmer with her for awhile then we'll see. That would be very cool if she would.

October's Lows and Highs and Lows

The month has been one. Getting my training in for my 50 miler at the last 2 weeks and at the same time one grandmother passes away. The weekend before the 50 was the funeral with only a fishing hat and lures and a urn on the alter. Still a moving send off and not being able to go to any reception because of a tit with the parents. Thats because they cannot say they were wrong on how they went about something from long ago and can never call to let us know they are coming or if it would be a bad time.

The race though was a beautiful thing though I had only planed about 12hrs. give or take not a 9:38:20. Where the wife said don't plan on us being up there, but did make it to the race. Then told more people than I have. I got on my phone and went through the list of names and not one out of 200 did I or would have had a reason to call and tell. Well don't think jeez I still think it's funny today. Thats the reason I picked that race for no one else but me around here.

Then things going wrong the heater no phone no internet both rear tires on the company truck the strike not ending, having to work 3 jobs almost having a damage on a locate on a 4in gas main. Just when it's starting to look up with the strike I get a call, the grandmother in Il. had a stroke last week (yeah they just got around to telling me) at least it's before there making plans to put her under this time. The left side is done and can't swallow she does not want a feeding tube. So it is ruffly about 7 to 10 days.

I did though get in a good 10 miler in 1:30 and did it ever feel good I relieved alot of stress from it I did not listen to the quiet around me or any of that. This was a time of escape and just putting one foot in front of the other. Listening to a little Godsmack and Judist Priest and just feeding off the beat But just enough aware to be able to wave at a curtain school nurse so she cannot say I am rude because I did not say HI